Friday 20 November 2009
In limbo again
I'm not sure what to do with myself. I have gone from visiting my friend in the hospice every few days and seeing her family and friends and all being together, to suddenly... nothing. Everyone has gone home to grieve in their own way and I want to grieve too but I don't know how. No one I know has ever died apart from very elderly relatives and I was too young to really remember that. I keep asking my friends if they want to meet and talk and cry and drink and everyone replies “no thanks darling, we are just spending some time on our own”. So I guess I'll do the same. I can't go out with other friends because it just seems wrong to enjoy myself but I haven't cried yet and I'm afraid if I spend time on my own I might start crying and never stop. I'll cry for my friend and then I'll cry for every other thing that is going a bit shit and I don't want to do that. I also gave up my social smoking habit so I can't do that. I can't have a drink because that will immediately make me want to have a cigarette. Ughhhhhhh.
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2 comments:
So sorry to read about your friend. It's very hard to loose a young friend or relative. If you do feel alone and can't grieve the conventional way maybe you should write.....great thoughts occur in desperate situations... we are all hear to listen...if you need to share them...my heart goes out to you... eilis
Hey there!
sometimes mourning happens on it's own time. When you least expect it. Just relax and let the crying happen. The crying might seem like it will never stop, but It will and you will feel better after. Nothing like this is ever easy, and there is no RIGHT WAY to do it. Just let it be. If I was there I would take you out for a drink!
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