Oh texts!

So just when I was getting my head around the fact that I would have to go through this whole sperm donor business alone, I get a text. From Mac. He texted : 'I was just thinking about you and this sperm donor business and I want to help. Now don't get your hopes up because you might be disappointed but I might be able to help financially. I have to see how the heart surgery goes but after that, we'll see.'

Heart surgery? What? And also, double what? Help.. with the costs of sperm donation? I know this man, his text was a double edged sword. Lets text the girl that I adore, (yet have let down numerous times because I have lied about my marital situation) and tell I her I still want to be part of her life (and control her and make her love me again) by offering her money to pay for someone else to be the father of her child. How just sick is that? OK, cynical thoughts aside, maybe he is genuinely feeling bad and genuinely wants me to be happy, thus, have a baby. Maybe he thinks, I don't want to father the child myself but by offering to help with the money side of things, she will be so happy and thankful (and be indebted to me for life!) OK that is cynical but how on earth am I supposed to react to that?

I texted back: 'Mac, I appreciate you want to help but it's wrong. You mention you might be able to help but then tell me not to get my hopes up? My whole relationship with you is about not getting my hopes up... about trusting you. It's just not right. Oh and heart surgery? Hello?'

He texted back: 'I'm having heart surgery in September. Apparently my heart keeps stopping so I need surgery for it. I'm surprised I didn't have a massive coronary after what we got up to in the Lakes!! Ha ha!'

Is this all a bit odd or is it just me? NOW, he tells me he has a weak heart. Oh for Gods sake. Do I feel sympathy suddenly... I don't know. And what do I make of his offer to help financially? I don't want to be indebted to this man. I once thought maybe this man could be the father of my child and now he wants to help someone else be the father. I honestly don't know what to think. There are only a few people that know about this blog so it's difficult to know what to think. I need advice.